Sexual Violence & Sexual Assault

Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual act done by one person to another. It can affect you in many ways and in different areas of your life. Remember, it is never your fault. Through this section, you can learn more about sexual assault and where you can turn to get help.

Sexual assault is any sexual activity that happens without your consent. Consent is when you freely say or do something that communicates that you want to take part in a particular sexual activity.

No matter what someone says, you did not give consent if:

• Someone forced, pressured or threatened you
• You were asleep or unconscious
• You were under the influence of alcohol or another substance
• You are a minor and the person was in a position of trust, power or authority

Sexual assault can include any form of unwanted sexual contact including:

• Sexual touching without consent
• Pressuring someone into having sex
• Forced kissing
• Forced sex
• Rape

Sexual assault can happen to anyone of any gender. Anyone can commit a sexual assault. Sexual assault is almost always committed by someone you already know – like a classmate, friend, teacher, coach, family member, acquaintance or someone you are dating. Sexual assault can also be committed by a stranger.

Being sexually assaulted is not your fault. This is true even if you:

• Flirted with the person who sexually assaulted you
• Used alcohol or other substances
• Consented to having sex with that person in the past
• Consented to some sexual activities (like kissing or making out)
• Changed your mind after you gave consent

It does not matter what you did (or did not do) before, during or after the assault. It is okay if you tried to get away or tried to make it stop. It is also okay if you just froze and did not fight back or say “no”. The only person at fault is the person who sexually assaulted you. It can be hard to tell whether or not you’ve experienced sexual assault. It can be even more difficult to decide whether or not to tell someone.

If you think you have experienced sexual assault, it is your decision what to do next. You may decide to get a forensic medical exam at a hospital, which can provide legal evidence about the assault. This exam should be done as soon as possible after the assault (up to 1 week after the assault). You can decide later if you would like to report the assault to the police. To find out where you can go for this medical exam, call VictimLinkBC or Sex Sense.

Deciding to tell someone and seek support is a brave first step. You are not alone.

Sexual Violence

Sexual violence is a sexual act done against a person without their freely given consent. It includes clear examples of sexual assault, like rape, but also things like sending unwanted sexual photos or sharing photos without permission. Lack of consent is the key part of many actions that would be categorized under sexual violence. Common behaviours, like using sexist language or making jokes about rape, can help contribute to more serious types of sexual violence. 

The chart below has examples of sexual violence that range from sending unwanted pictures to rape. It also shows how something like using sexist language can lead to or support sexual violence.

Other examples of sexual violence include:

• stalking
• cyber harassment
• sexual harassment – unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a school, workplace or other social situation
• indecent or sexualized exposure – the criminal act of someone exposing their private parts to unconsenting parties in a public place
• observing people while they undress, are naked, or engage in sexual activities without the other’s consent (also called voyeurism)
• children/youth being manipulated into exchanging a sexual act for money, drugs, shelter, food, transportation, love, acceptance, or other needs (also called sexual exploitation)_
• Incest (sexual contact that occurs between family members)
• Sexual assault, rape

Anyone can experience sexual violence or assault, regardless of their gender and sexual orientation. It’s important to understand the many layers of sexual violence, and to know that none of these behaviours are ever okay. It is never the victim’s fault.

You can learn more about consent here.

If you have been sexually assaulted, these organizations can help provide medical and emotional support:

• Victim Link BC
• Salal Sexual Violence Support Centre

If you know someone who has experienced sexual violence, you can learn how to support them here.

How to Challenge Normalization

We need to have confidence and self-respect to practice consent and stand up to sexual violence. If these are things you struggle with, it can help to reach out for support. You can learn more about self-esteem here.

•  Check in with your partner from time to time, especially if things are heating up. Ask if they are comfortable or if they would like to try something new so they will feel safe and you will know if they are enjoying themselves.
• Think about the ways that victims of sexual violence are often blamed, sometimes because of what they wore, where they went, or what they have done in the past. Challenge these ideas, and know that it is the person who committed the act of violence, not the victim, whose behaviour should be questioned.
• If you are worried about sexual violence in a specific situation, have a buddy system where you and a friend look out for one another. If you see a situation that could be threatening, speak up (as long as it is safe to do so).

Supporting Others

Many people who are sexually assaulted will tell a friend or peer before they will tell an adult. The way you respond can make a big difference to how they feel now and in the future. You do not need to be an expert to help them. If someone tells you they were sexually assaulted, or thinks they might have been sexually assaulted:

• Listen to what they have to say.
• Believe them, don’t question them.
• Support them by explaining their options, going with them to the hospital (if they want medical care) or to the police (if they want to report the assault), or just being with them. Let the person know it’s their choice, and respect their decision. 

It can be difficult to hear someone share that they were sexually assaulted. You may feel angry, sad, helpless or confused. It is important that you take care of yourself. This can include doing an activity you enjoy or talking to a trusted adult or counsellor. You might also decide to join a support group for friends and family of people who have been hurt in this way. Contact VictimLinkBC to learn about and connect with available resources. Foundry also offers peer support for youth and caregivers of youth. 

If it’s safe to, it’s important to say something if you think an act of sexual violence or assault might take place, or if you hear people talking in a way that supports sexual violence. We all have a role in stopping sexual violence.