Growing Up with a Parent Struggling with Alcohol Use

This article was written by a young person with lived/ living experience with alcohol and cannabis for the foundrybc.ca website. They would like to remain anonymous. 

Content warning: self-harm, self-injury, suicidal thoughts

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Growing up, I knew that my father’s relationship with alcohol was different. He was often the life of the party, but at the same time, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of his behaviour. I would see my father consume alcohol by himself in his room and hide the bottles in cabinets and spaces that were hidden. My sister and I knew which cabinets not to open.

My father’s alcohol use greatly influenced my relationship with him through my childhood. I felt angry that my mother did more of the housework, managed the family and chores while, in my eyes, I saw my father enjoying his evenings. I was angry that I didn’t have a ‘normal’ family or father. I didn’t know anyone else whose parent struggled with alcohol, and I felt ashamed and guilty. I thought I was the reason my father drank, and I soon found that these emotions consumed me.

I started experiencing symptoms of depression, like feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and insomnia. I couldn’t concentrate at school and eventually was forced to tell someone. That person was a teacher at my high school. 

My teacher helped me realize that I couldn’t go through this alone – and that the thoughts I was having meant I needed to tell my parents. At the time I was terrified because I had never opened up to them before. But now, looking back, this moment was a huge turning point for my substance use journey. 

Up until then, I had coped with my emotions by self-harming and smoking weed. It helped for a little while – numbing myself and taking a break from my busy mind, even for a couple hours. I told myself I was not the same as my father, but in reality, I too was falling into the world of addiction. 

Talking to my parents opened up a can of worms: I went to the emergency department, talked to several psychiatrists and therapists and had to take a few semesters off of school to adjust to medication and my new routine. But it also created a space for healing in my life, vulnerable conversations and ultimately motivated me to pursue higher education in the mental health field.

I want to be honest that sharing feelings of suicidal ideation meant that I lost some of my autonomy in my care at that time. However, coming out from the other side, I can see how I needed to lean on others to learn how to manage my emotions and basic needs. 

I don’t regret talking to my high school teacher. In fact, I don’t think I would be here if I hadn’t reached out to him.

I’m not at a place where I can openly talk to my father about my mental health yet, but we both have a shared understanding of our experiences. I no longer feel so angry. Instead, I feel empathy and compassion for both myself and him. 

“It can be incredibly difficult to share our deepest feelings with others. But at the same time, it can be incredibly liberating. What I have found is that opening up to someone – a friend, a relative, or a peer support worker – can help you see that there are many others who have gone through similar experiences and are thriving today.”

Foundry is one place you can go to talk. There are many others. I hope you know that there are people willing and wanting to listen to your story.